Right now my boyfriend and I are creating an online business and I’m struggling quite a lot with it. We each have our own individual project under one business umbrella that we own together. He’s gonna be doing more of the technical aspect and business side and I will be responsible for design and creative ideas and inspiration. And although we have this separation I still struggle with feeling like I have to do everything myself. It bothers me that I don’t seem to be very business savvy. It’s a way of thinking that is very abstract to me.

So this is my big learning at the moment.

How can I be okay with not being good at everything? How can I value what I bring to the table, even though it’s not hard skills? My boyfriend always tells me that he loves my input and is so grateful for it. He used to work for several big corporations and has a lot of management experience. He says that he would have loved having someone like me in the team, who is clever and is able to see the bigger picture and understand things fast on a conceptual level, even if not understanding the technical details.

Hearing this makes me feel very happy!

Dependence Is Not A Bad Thing

We tend to think of ourselves in this reductionist way, where all we can see are our flaws. And we are really unhappy if we can’t do some things and need other people’s help. But imagine a world where you wouldn’t need anyone else at all. Visualise such a reality.

• When and how do you have social interactions?

• Do you still talk as much with people?

• Do you feel gratitude?

Such a world seems rather lonely to me. Needing other people is a beautiful thing and feeling appreciate for one’s own gifts and talents is a satisfying experience. Sometimes a really painful experience (like having a flat tyre in the middle of a deserted country road) can lead to a beautiful interaction with a stranger that reminds you that the world is full of descent, loving people.

And to me becoming aware of how dependent I am on others (for example the farmer who is growing my gorgeous organic veggies) fills me up with an expansive feeling of gratitude on a daily basis. Thank you, all you beautiful people who make my life so much richer with the services, knowledge and products your provide!

The Fear Of Dependence Often Comes From Trauma

From a trauma perspective, the feeling of needing to be independent often comes from being wounded by someone we were dependent on and thus we concluded that it’s not safe to be in a state of dependence. This could have been created through Enmeshment Trauma, which I explain in my video Enmeshment Trauma in Parent-Child Relationships:

The underlying issue is not dependence, however, but that we’ve never got the chance to heal the pain this situation caused us. And now the need to be independent is causing us more pain because it stops us from feeling gratitude for being supported by others and also makes us exhausted from the effort of managing everything by ourselves.

Shifting our beliefs about dependence is an exciting opportunity for growth. It enables us to let connection in and see other people as truly valuable components of our lives. It also helps us to relax and feel that abundance is all around us, in all different shapes and forms.

Community is what holds us. Let’s enjoy it.

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