3 Reasons Why She Cancels On You & How To Prevent It
One of the biggest problems of modern dating is that the way we communicate (mainly texting) has made it quite painless to cancel on someone in the last minute.
If you’ve been really looking forward to a date this hurts, not just because you won’t meet her but also because it feels like she is devaluing you.
So in this blog I want to explain 3 reasons why she cancels on you and practical ways how to prevent this!
3 Reasons Why She Cancels On You
1. She’s busy
When she’s just met you, you’re probably not high on her priority list (yet). This is nothing personal but a way to protect herself from getting too invested in someone early on and then realising it’s not a good match after all.
It’s actually a healthy sign that you’re not her first priority after only knowing you a short time - it shows that she has her own life, friends and interests. The most important thing is that you don’t take it personal - even if you’re a really great guy, she needs time to get to know you.
How to prevent it:
Before asking her out on a date, make sure that she is actually in the right place in her life and has time to focus on you. This is part of the ‘compatibility check’ that I recommend for all my dating coaching clients. Too often we get infatuated with someone without even understanding if they are right for us in a down to earth, practical way. Yes, that doesn’t sound very sexy but believe me, it saves a lot of heartache later!
“Before asking her out on a date, make sure that she is actually in the right place in her life and has time to focus on you.”
Also, make sure that you ask her out on dates that actually fit in her schedule. For example, if she’s just had a super stressful work week that took all her energy, maybe asking her out for crazy golf is not the right move - a cosy evening with a movie would probably feel much better for her (but some women probably find crazy golf relaxing, so the point is that you have to figure out what’s right for her!).
2. She’s flaky
As mentioned in the introduction, modern communication tools have made last-minute cancelling easier than ever before. No awkward phone conversation necessary, you can just send a simple text message and get it over with. This means that unfortunately many people nowadays have a very lax attitude when it comes to valuing their own word - in some social circles it will be even normal to keep options open and then choose the social engagement that feels best in the last moment (I’m definitely not friends with those people though - can’t stand flaky behaviour!).
“Unfortunately, modern communication tools have made last-minute cancelling easier than ever before.”
While this doesn’t automatically mean that she’s a bad person, it’s at least a sign of emotional immaturity and I would think twice if she’s a great person to let into your life. Emotional immaturity is a rampant problem in today’s society, ranging from someone not being able to manage their emotions in a healthy way to acting childish, irresponsible and self-centered.
How to prevent it:
If someone is emotionally immature you’ll usually see signs early on. They are either too enthusiastic (“Omg I feel sooooo close to you! I think we’re soulmates!”) or too detached (“It’s all cool man, let’s just chill, live in the moment, I don’t believe in labelling relationships …”). Either way something is off. When they are very enthusiastic you might feel flattered but keep in mind that their enthusiasm can’t really be founded in reality because she doesn’t even know you that well yet. And think about this - if she’s so infatuated with a relative stranger (you), who knows how she’ll feel when she’ll meet the next stranger (a new guy)?
So be aware of these red flags and understand that if you’ll meet an emotionally immature woman the likelihood of her cancelling on you in the last minute is high. Think about if you really want to date her. And if yes, set a standard for yourself. One last minute cancellation is okay (it can happen) but if it becomes a habit, set a boundary and be very clear that you expect more respect towards your time and energy.
3. She’s got dating anxiety
When women cancel on you an often overlooked reason is dating anxiety. Men often feel that women hold all the power in dating and forget that many women are also very insecure. It’s nerve recking going on a date with a relative stranger, especially if she’s maybe struggling with social anxiety and a lack of personal boundaries.
When someone with dating anxiety cancels at the last minute, something probably happened in the days or hours before the date to stress her out or knock down her confidence. Going on a date in this state just feels totally overwhelming and so she cancels on you.
How to prevent it:
When it comes to dating anxiety, the most effective antidote is (emotional) safety. When she’s giving off signals of being an anxious person (coming across shy, being quite passive, being vague in communication, trying to be “chill” but you can feel her insecurity), pick dates that feel safe for her. Safety can be created through:
Length of time:
Shorter dates feel more safe than longer ones because she’s not forced to stay long in case she doesn’t feel well.
Example: Pick a quick coffee date in the afternoon, instead of a long dinner date.
Time & Place:
Dates during the day feel more safe (=less romantic) than dates in the evening. Public places feel more safe than private places.
Example: Sunday afternoon picknick in the park instead of a Sunday evening movie night.
Seating arrangement:
Sitting next to each other feels more safe than sitting across from each other because you’re not forced to stare at each other all the time.
Example: Meet at a coffee shop where you can sit on the window and people watch instead of facing each other directly on a table.
Activity:
Doing something together feels more safe than just talking. But don’t pick an activity that makes her nervous, for example kayaking is a bad idea if she’s not a confident swimmer.
Example: Walk in the park instead of a candlelight dinner.
Don’t Take It Personally
Now you know exactly why she cancels on you. The 3 reasons mentioned - she’s busy, she’s flaky, she’s got dating anxiety - will explain 99% of the time why she cancels on you and you got some great tools to prevent it. However, sometimes it will still happen - thus is the nature of the dating game! In this case the most important thing is that you DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY (and also check if you’re not making one of these common dating mistakes).
But that’s easier said than done, I get it - when she cancels on you, it hurts. However, you can empower yourself by learning a vital life skill that will not only help you in dating but in all areas of life … And this is learning how to deal with rejection!
The reason why mastering rejection is so powerful is because you’ll be so much more ready to take risks and win big (and this is especially true for dating)! Watch the video below to find out how you can handle rejection in a positive way and come out stronger on the other side:
Remember, It’s Not About You
But what’s truly crucial to understand is that in the early stages of dating, rejection is never really about you BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW YOU! Always remember that she’s got her own life going on, is probably stressed, is maybe not very emotionally mature and struggles with anxiety.
In either case, when she cancels on you chances are high that she wasn’t the right match for you anyway and that it’s time to move on! Plenty of fish in the sea my friend - I know that there is the perfect woman for you out there, so don’t waste your time chasing what’s not meant to be!
Related Blogs:
Why Women Aren’t Interested: 3 Dating Mistakes 99% Of Men Make
Why Unconditional Respect Is So Important For Men In Relationships
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